Or, as my friend Jenean likes to call it: Singles Awareness Day.
This is a day when all people who are in a loving, healthy relationship feel even more loved…and when those of us who are either in a not-so-loving relationship or no relationship at all, feel crap.
Sadly, I’m more familiar with the latter, having no real personal experience with the former.
Everywhere you go for the weeks leading up to V-Day (which, in our consumer-driven culture, is pretty much from Christmas Day onwards), you’re greeted with hearts and an overabundance of red, pink and white. If you ARE unattached, it’s pretty hard to ignore.
When I was married, Valentine’s Day was the tail-end of the “Deadly Three Weeks.” This unholy triumvirate consisted of our wedding anniversary on January 27th, followed by my birthday on February 8th and ending with V-Day on the 14th. My ex-husband felt it was his divine duty to do as little as possible to commemorate any of them and – despite my efforts to develop a thick skin about it – it always hurt.
Being single has improved the Deadly Three Weeks tremendously!
But it does get old. I’ve been out of a relationship for 14 years and, although hope-over-experience springs eternal, I’ve got to face the fact that the older I get, it becomes statistically less likely that I’ll find my soul-mate.
It’s not that there aren’t men out there to find, it’s just that I’m not going to settle for a relationship without being totally in love. And that ever-elusive chemistry is a real bear to find.
My wonderful-but-clueless long-married friends tell me, “It will happen when you’re not looking for it.” Although I love them, I swear the next time someone utters that platitude; I’m going to punch them in the nose. It’s like saying you’ll get that dream job by not looking. It takes away my power to do anything about it.
It’s damn easy thing to say when you haven’t spent the past 15 years sleeping alone. (Yes, I know I said 14 previously --- but did you think I slept with my ex-husband right up to our separation??)
*sigh* Sheila here…trying not to sound like a bitter bitch. (Probably a losing battle when I’m on this subject!)
The funny thing is, I have many AMAZING women friends who are in the same boat. And most of us don’t even date. And I don’t doubt for a minute that there are a bunch of amazing men out there somewhere wondering where the great women are…although where these men congregate, I’ve no clue!
I’ve tried the Internet dating thing too many times to count and the results have ranged from general frustration to massive disaster to outright hilarity. I could write a book about men who flake out even before you meet or are so completely boring you wonder how they get by in life or spend your first (and last!) phone call ranting about women or who send you a picture of their penis and then claim that they’re interested in more than sex. It helps to determine you’ll be entertained by the situation no matter what…
Here’s my personal take on the single older adult man/woman divide:
1. Women - in general - are smarter than men.
2. If a man has a good woman in his life, he may decide to try for an upgrade.
3. When a woman has a good man in her life, she usually hangs on to him.
4. This is why there are more good single women out there than good men!
I know there are good single men out there – I HOPE there are good single men out there somewhere! Men who are funny, interesting, smart, caring……etc., etc., etc.
But where the hell are they??
Happy Singles Awareness Day!
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My my my, bitter much? Really old friend at times you are almost ranting against the male gender. Being a member of said gender I, not surprisingly, disagree with much of what you say about us...in general. I will not attempt to address specific cases. Women over all smarter than men> No, not at all accurate. Most women are about as smart as most men. That is the law of averages. Women have strengths and men have strengths. My take on women is that they are less open, and more sneaky than most men. But no way smarter over all. I am a bit bitter as well. I had a 23 year marriage where I was loyal, loving, and supportive of my wife and kids, and did my level best to make my wife's every fantasy come true. No, I am not JUST talking about in the bedroom. My reward for this? When I broke my back, she started cheating on me. She then accused me of the most vile of crimes, and had me kicked out of the home I had bought and paid for. AFter I proved the charges untrue, I filed for divorce. I gave her everything she could have reasonably asked for. The home, paid for and furnished exactly as she had wanted. The furniture. Thousands of dollars, and money each month for life. Her response? She has continued to make unfounded and boundless accusations against me, even though we now live hundreds of miles apart. My current wife? I have done the same for her. Her take? She has started sleeping apart several months now. She never seeks love in my arms. She does no house work or yard work, and has had one temporary part time job in two years. She, in fact, critizes everything I do, and almost never has a kind word for me. Boring? Yeah I guess I am. I get up and make the bed, and wash my CPAP machines mask. I take my insulin, vitamins, and various medications. I make a pot of coffee and make breakfast. Then, when the meds. kick in, I start the house work,laundry if it needs doing, and then lunch. AFter lunch my wife normally drags herself out of bed and starts the daily critisisem. I didn't mop good enough, or I vaccummed too early and disturbed her. When am I going to get the d*mn lawn done? After all it's only two acres done with a push mower. The laundry is not to her satisfaction, and just why can she not buy that new thing she wants this week? What kind of lazy selfish jerk am I anyway?!!? Now I am no lothario. But I do my level best to assure that any woman I make love to feels appreciated. I listen, I cuddle, I do everything I can to give them at least one orgasem before I even look to my own needs. Yet, all that has never been good enough for any woman I have been with. I stay married because I took a vow before God and man to love, honor, and cherish. I promised to never divorce her, and I will not. I continue to treat her with love, and respect. I now accept that there is NO perfect woman out there for me. EVERY woman I have ever been involved with, by marriage or dating, wanted to use me in some way. So if my wife one day decides to leave me, divorce me, or dies, I will end my days alone...and probably happier for it. If your having trouble finding good men who are willing to take yet another plunge, they may be as disilusioned as I. Yes my spelling does suck as a matter of fact. What's your point? My take on women? There are some very good ones, and some very bad ones, and a whole heck of a lot in between but there are none out there for me. Most, I have seen, treat their men abominably. Yes, I am aware that this is a very limited sampling of the gender and so do not condemn the whole gender for it. You must realize taht we all suffer or prosper by our own choices. You CHOSE to marry your ex-husband. I have chosen to marry both my wives, so I feel I have no cause to blame them for being true to THEIR nature. I made bad choices, so I amd I alone am responsible. When you realize that you and you alone control your fate, Then I think you will be a lot happier, whether with or without someone else. Good luck and God speed.
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